


In The Beginning

by munchmulch



Series: the beginning, the middle, the end [1]
Category: Christian Bible (Old Testament), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Hebrew Bible, The Book of Genesis
Genre: Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages (Good Omens), Aziraphale is a Mess (Good Omens), Blasphemy, Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Crying, Friendship, Gen, Heaven is Terrible (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Ineffable Spouses, It's about the friendship baby, Minor Character Death, Multi, Non Graphic Child Birth, Other, Pamphlets, They/Them Pronouns for Aziraphale (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), Wouldn't it be fun if they all lived together, Yelling about God, child birth, yelling at god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24133558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/munchmulch/pseuds/munchmulch
Summary: No one told them that they weren't supposed to live with the humans. And by extension, no one told them that they weren't supposed to live with each other.Really, plausible deniability had to be invented bysomeone.
Relationships: Adam from Eden & Aziraphale, Adam from Eden & Aziraphale & Eve & Crowley, Adam from Eden & Eve (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & Eve (Good Omens)
Series: the beginning, the middle, the end [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741432
Comments: 13
Kudos: 120





	In The Beginning

"You can stop _lurking_ , you know." Eve's voice is carefully neutral, a hint of tension under the surface. She doesn't look at the demon, even when Crawly slithers down from the tree and shapes themself into something with limbs. 

"Wasn't _lurking_." Crawly isn't quite looking at her either, face pinched and guilty. 

She hums, the flat unhappy line of her mouth twitching down as she continues to carefully sew two rabbit hides together. "So are you here to, what?" Her next stab is unnecessarily aggressive. "Start the hostilities that we're supposed to have now? As The Lord commands?" 

Crawly flinches back. "No! No." They raise their hands, palms out. "I don't, I mean I understand if you -" they bite their lip. "I just wanted to, wanted to apologize." 

Eve looks at Crawly, needle momentarily forgotten. "You told me what would happen if I ate it." Her voice is still tight, fastly approaching wobbly. 

Crowley lowers their hands, hunching down. "Not this! I didn't say, I didn't know that she'd kick you out for a-a, first offense!" 

Eve carefully sets the hides down, and stands so she’s eye level with Crawly taking a deep breath, her hands fisted at her sides. "But you told me what would happen. Exactly what would happen, that we'd become more like her, that we'd be able to see and understand more of what’s around us." Eve’s face contorts in fury as she blinks back tears. "And She!" Eve points to the sky. "She lied to us, Crawly! She told us we'd die if we ate it! She lied, and punished us without giving any explanation for her lie, any acknowledgment!" The tears streak down her face. "We may be closer to her now, to what she is, but she's so much bigger than us. And she doesn't care." 

Crawly's eyes are wide, arms clenched around their middle. "I -" 

Eve cuts them off, "I'm not mad at you! You didn't lie to me, you were my friend." 

Crawly sways side to side, something uncertain and serpentine in the movement. "Were?" Their voice cracks. 

Eve stops, eyes wide as her fists unclench. And then, in the voice of someone who's just realized the truth of their words. "You're still my friend, Crawly." She looks down, no longer meeting the demon's eyes. "Am I yours?" 

Crawly covers their mouth with a hand, squeezing their eyes shut against their own tears. "You're right, God, God isn't all that fair, I don't think? And She can't tell me -" They pause, "She can't tell me not to be your friend. She doesn't have that right anymore." 

Eve nods, and they both stand there for a moment, trying to get their tears under control. Trying not to miss an Almighty parent who hurt them. 

Eventually she wipes her eyes. "Do you want to help me with this?" She gestures to the hides. "For some reason after eating the apple my first thought was -” she brings her hand to her mouth in mock horror, widening her eyes. “ _Fuck!_ I'm naked!” She drops the hand with a snort. “I have no idea why, weird side effect I guess." 

Crawly scrunches their noise, they never really understood why their human form has clothes. Their snake one doesn't and it seems like a double standard. "Yeah alright, but you have to show me how to do it." They crouch down and squint at the sharpened tool in her hand. "Is that . . . bone? Like the inside structural bit?" 

She nods, digging another one out of her pocket to hand to Crawly, "They are horribly difficult to make, but the angel's been helping." She grins. "Keeps showing us how to do things and then looking really guilty about it. Talking about how Heaven never _technically_ said they couldn't grab some pamphlets from the technology department, and never _technically_ told them they couldn't help with things as long as they're not using miracles." 

Crawly lights up at the description, "Angel? The one with fluffy hair who seems really worried all the time?" 

She laughs. "Yeah!" 

Crawly wiggles and flicks their tongue out before turning their attention back to the needle. "That thing is _super_ gross though." 

*** 

"Are you, um, are you _really_ supposed to be doing this?" Adam looks vaguely concerned, like he does every time Aziraphale talks themself into helping. 

Aziraphale looks up from where they've been weeding, nerves flashing across their face. "Well!” They swallow. “Well, my dear, ah." They focus back on the weeds, pulling with a bit more vigor. "I'm sure it's alright! After all they told me to-to watch out for you, as it were.” They wave a hand vaguely. “‘Look over humanity.’ I'm sure they wouldn't have assigned me as a guardian if they didn't want me to guard!"

Adam nods thoughtfully, using a sharpened lion femur to dig up the unwanted vegetation. He's somewhat slower than Aziraphale, hands covered by rough gloves1 in an attempt to afford him a layer of protection between the soil and the popped blisters and raw sores that cover most of his hands.2 “Guard us from weeds?” 

Aziraphale coughs, quickly trying to think of other topics of conversation. "How are things going with Eve?" They bite their lip. "With the whole God mandated ruling over her kerfuffle.” They scrunch their nose. “Bit awkward, I imagine." 

Adam freezes, staring down at where his hands are buried in the dirt. He stays silent long enough for Aziraphale to realize that they may have put their foot in it. 

Eventually Adam speaks, voice subdued. "It was my fault." 

Aziraphale frowns, face scrunching up. "I thought that was rather the point though? That it wasn't your fault, or at least less your fault." They lower their voice. "With the whole, Eve listening to Cra- to The Serpent, business." 

Adam scowls at the dirt. "But I told on her, right? I didn't want to be in trouble so I told God that it was her fault." 

Aziraphale coughs. "Well, er, quite understandable, really. Being in that sort of situation for the first time." They try to think of what Crawly would say, the demon seems so adept at reassurance. "And, as it happens, she tattled on The Serpent after that! Terrible business really, not being able to taste food." They reach over to pat Adam consolingly on the shoulder. "So buck up! You both got someone in trouble so it all evens out, probably!" 

Adam bites his lower lip, looking hopeful. "You think?" 

Aziraphale nods, relieved that their words seem to be having some sort of positive effect. "I do. I’m sure all three of you are feeling equally awful.” Aziraphale injects some false pep into their voice. “Even I feel horrible! My whole job was to stop you from eating from the tree and keeping demons out of the garden.” They chuckle awkwardly. “How about you talk to her about all this when we get back home, hmm?" 

Adam takes a deep breath, "Yeah, alright." 

*** 

Crawly surprises Aziraphale when the angel is carefully skinning a rabbit. The snake slowly drooping from a tree onto Aziraphale's shoulders. 

Aziraphale screams and attempts to stab Crawly with their stone knife. 

"Ah! Sssshit it'ss me!!" Crawly yells as they flail away just in time. 

Aziraphale wheezes, "Crawly?? Oh good Lord, don't do that!" They stare at the snake, aghast, as they judge the distance from their shoulders to the nearest branch. _"How_ did you do that? Wouldn't the muscle control -" Aziraphale gestures wildly at Crawly, "- isn't it an adjustment without all the legs??" 

The serpent hisses before changing into something more human shaped. "Less complicated this way, actually." They gesture to their legs. "Two are already hard to coordinate, twelve was a bloody nightmare." They cross their arms. "Also Adam tried to name me _long lizard_." They scowl. "Humiliating, that." 

Aziraphale attempts to hide a smile, biting their bottom lip. "Oh do grant the poor dear some clemency, I'm sure he meant well." They tap their chin thoughtfully. "And it is true that you looked a bit like a longer lizard. Like -" They snap their fingers. "Like comparing a potato bug to a centipede! Adorable, really." 

Crawly flushes and decides to change the subject before the angel can say any more horrible, embarrassing things. " _So_ , what I was wanting to ask is if we could figure something out, ground rules?" 

Aziraphale looks confused, a slight smile still tugging at their mouth, "Ground rules? Whatever for?"

Crawly stumbles over a few syllables, "J-just, you know." They mumble. "We're both living with the humans, and kind of with each other?" They sway uncomfortably. "I made my lot happy enough that they shouldn't be bothering me too much until the third generation or so, but I don't get that wiggle room if we start discorporating each other." They shrug. "And you seem reasonable enough, haven't tried to stab me -" they frown at the knife still in Aziraphale's hand and correct, "haven't tried to stab me _intentionally_. So, I figured, might be able to just ask you about it and work something out." 

Aziraphale looks even more confused, "Why in the heavens would I try and discorporate you? That would be terribly rude!" 

Crawly blinks at the Principality, equally confused. "I mean, because of the heavens, obviously? You were nice to me on the wall, so I figured you might not." They raise their eyebrows. "But there are plenty of reasons why you _should_. You had that flaming sword after all. For, you know -" Crawly draws a line across their own throat, "didn't you fight in the war?" 

Any remaining trace of joviality is wiped from Aziraphale's face as they go pale, fingers digging into the cloth over their right hip. "Ah, well. Not very . . . successfully. No." 

The angel blinks, concern returning to their face. "Wait, now! If you were worried about discorporation, why did you come up to chat?" Aziraphale's face pinches as they put together some things that should have been obvious. "And goodness, why haven't you tried discorporating _me_?"

Crawly's mouth opens and closes a few times. "Uhh, nnn, ghn. Well I mean, not really my scene. Messy, you know." They gesture to their robe. "Blood doesn’t show up against the black but it still gets all tacky." 

Aziraphale looks unconvinced but doesn't continue the line of questioning. 

Crowley tilts their head. "I actually tried to talk to all the gate guardians. Was curious, you know? You're the only one who didn't throw lightning or swing a sword at me." 

Aziraphale looks increasingly alarmed. "That sounds incredibly dangerous! I didn't even think about that, where in existence is your sense of self preservation?" 

Crawly grinns. "See! That's why I like you best, you’re a little bit cracked." When the angel's shoulders hunch and their head ducks at the observation Crawly corrects, "in a good way!" 

Aziraphale looks away, a flush creeping up from their neck. "Well, yes. Be that as it may, I think as far as ground rules go, as long as neither of us are _explicitly_ told to fight the other, we should get on well enough." 

***

Life is not . . . easy, necessarily. But it does fall into something of a schedule. It helps that the four beings who have decided to share space do get on rather well. 

The first truly disturbing interruption starts when Eve tells everyone not to eat the rest of the fruit gathered the night before because she's fairly sure it's been giving her stomach cramps. 

The cramps don't go away though, coming on and off for a few days as Aziraphale and Crawly both fret about not being allowed to heal whatever's wrong. They get worse, evening out into regular spasms until eventually a rush of clear fluid makes a rather dramatic exit from her nethers. 

It's midday when it happens and Adam's been in the field since morning, which is why there are only three beings losing their absolute shit. 

"Whats happening, what the pustulating fuck is happening?!" Eve is making a valiant effort to bend at the waist, face contorted in pain and fear. 

"Crawly! Crawly _do something!"_ Aziraphale wails. 

"Me? I'm not supposed to heal! I-I, isn't that your lot's thing?" Crawly is flailing their hands, trying not to cry along with Eve. "I don't know how human bodies work! I wasn't in that division!" Crawly leans into the angel frantically gripping their shoulder. "What's wrong with her!?" 

Eve wails and Crawly bursts into tears. 

Aziraphale starts babbling. "I'm sorry! I'm terribly sorry, I don't know what's wrong! You're leaking, I didn't even know bodies could leak more than blood! I swear, I was not consulted on this!" 

The next twenty minutes quickly spiral out of control until Eve is curled on her side in a pile of furrs while Crawly and Aziraphale each grip one of her hands.

Eventually Aziraphale stumbles to their feet, eyes wild. "I-I, this must be a mistake! I should inform my supervisor! I'm sure he'll let me heal you, something must have gone wrong . . ." They trail off anxiously before running outside. 

The round trip from heaven and back takes maybe an hour. Aziraphale frantically drawing the circle in the sand, then the forty minutes waiting for Gabriel to see them, and the five minute explanation of -

“Oh yes, _that._ We already knew about that! You didn't have to make the trip. The, ah, _fetal_ human it's been growing is just popping out. I think I have a pamphlet somewhere. Really nothing to get worked up over, all according to plan!"

And so Aziraphale stumbles back to their cave, pale and shaking. 

Crawly and Eve have adjusted into a sort of half hug situation above her rounded stomach, both crying as Eve yells and squirms and hits the floor with her fist. Crawly's eyes snap to Aziraphale but Eve is the first to speak once the newest wave of pain ends "What's happening? What's -?" She shudders, frantically searching Aziraphale's face. 

Crawly, voice clogged, quietly asks, "is she falling?" 

That seems to kickstart Aziraphale back to life, who straightens, hands wringing. "No! No! Everything is just-just fine, no need to worry!" The angel tries to smile but mostly just manages to look more terrified. "See you're just, er, that is to say -" They wheeze. "The human you've been growing is just, trying to exit your body via your vaginal opening! All according to plan!" 

Eve stares at Aziraphale, terror written on her face. "A whole human??!"

Aziraphale looks like they're going to be sick. "Y-Yes! You see a-ah -" they fumble something out of one of the pockets Crawly had carefully sewn into their robe. "Gabriel gave me a pamphlet!" 

Eve and Crawly stare at Aziraphale in horror. 

Aziraphale, hands shaking, squints at the small text and begins to read. "Birth is the act or process of bearing or bringing forth offspring, also referred to in technical contexts as parturition. In mammals, the process is initiated by hormones which cause the muscular walls of the uterus to contract, expelling the fetus at a developmental stage when it is ready to feed and breathe. In some species the offspring is precocial and can move around almost immediately after birth but in others it is altricial and completely dependent on parenting. In marsupials, the fetus is born at a very immature stage after a short gestational period and develops further in its mother's womb's pouch."

Aziraphale pauses to suck in a breath and then hastily skips to the human specific hazard warnings. "In humans the new offspring remains at an early stage of development at birth and will rely on adult care in order to survive. Offspring eats only from the mammary glands for a minimum of four months before diet can be supplemented with soft foods. Offspring can not walk, crawl, or support their own neck in beginning stages, and will develop these skills later on." 

Eve looks dizzy and shocked, and Crawly cluches her tighter muttering softly, "what the fuck, what the fuck, what the _fuck."_

"Basically!" Aziraphale snaps the pamflet closed, a crazed look in their eye. "Right now you need to get on your back and be ready to push!" 

The following seven hours feel very, very long. 

***

"What -" Adam stares in confusion at the three disheveled beings collapsed in the fur pile and the small creature that Crowley is currently holding, "- is that?" 

The three stare at him blankly for a minute, the idea of someone standing there with an expression of mild puzzlement instead of the blind panic they've all been experiencing seeming very odd. 

Eventually it's Aziraphale who speaks, "Ah! Adam, yes." The angel shakes their head as if to dislodge the exhausted fog that's taken over the room. "I do believe we've discovered the Almighty's punishment for Eve, as it were." 

"And it was fucking _horrifying._ " Crawly and Eve pipe in synchronously. They blink at each other before sharing a high five. 

"Yes, well!" Aziraphale's smile is just a bit frantic. "The Lord works in mysterious ways!" 

Crawly snorts. "Well, anyway." They struggle to their feet and totter over to hand Adam the baby. "Hold and protect this for a bit. They've been fed, but they can't hold up their own head so you gotta do that for them. Mostly, just, don't let them die.” Crawly taps the baby’s nose. “When they get bigger they're going to be another human!” Crawly then returns to the fur pile, face first. 

Eve smiles woozley at Adam. "We're taking a nap." 

Aziraphale, an angel who has frequently complained about sleep even being a thing that human bodies can do, sighs in relief and snuggles down under a fur next to Eve. "Now let's just hope that never, ever has to happen again." 

*** 

It does happen again, a year later. 

The four learn together the ways in which human children are wildly bazaar. As soon as the children can talk they’re asking questions, constantly refusing to do things that are supposed to keep them alive, and running off at any opportunity. 

They also love all four adults in a very simple, intrinsic way. As if they can't imagine not doing so. 

The most worrying aspect of raising them is the volatile nature of their relationship with each other. They can be playing one minute and then screaming and hitting the next, forcing whichever parents are around to snatch them up and bring them to separate places to calm down. 

It gets easier each year to see that these little humans will eventually be full sized. Limbs growing long and gangly, features becoming more defined. 

Both find their own interests. Cain works in the fields, spending hot days planting and weeding and digging. Abel captures and breeds sheep, both for wool and meat. The two still fight, but they are both grown and happy, and all four parents are so ridiculously proud. 

And then, for the first time since She asked Aziraphale about the sword, God speaks.

She asks for an offering from both Cain and Abel. Their parents, terrified of disobedience, encourage them to present samples of their work. 

They leave together with their offerings. Cain is the only one who comes back. 

He comes back quiet, eyes distant. He doesn't respond to Aziraphale asking how it went, to Crawly asking if he's ok, to Eve asking what God had to say, to Adam asking where Abel is. 

Cain takes a bag, packs up his belongings and some food, and leaves. He only speaks once, quietly informing them that God instructed him to travel in order to find the other humans, the ones pulled from the earth on the sixth day. He leaves everyone confused, worried, and frightened. 

It's Aziraphale who finds the body. 

They carry Abel back together. 

When Aziraphale goes to heaven to ask for some explanation, to see if anything can be done, heaven sends down two angels to bury Abel. 

Crawly can't be there as Abel returns to the earth, the stranger’s pitying, sanctimonious words a poor substitute. 

When it's done, when all that's left is a mound of dirt, they decide that they can’t stay here any longer. Numbly working together to collect as much dried fruit and meat as can be carried, they leave to find the rest of humanity together. 

*** 

\---

* 1\. Aziraphale has been learning many new skills during their time on earth, and can often be caught squinting at the small text of a heavenly pamphlet as they learn how to make things like palm-leaf cordage and rough approximations of knitting. [ ▲ ]

* 2\. Eve's hands are much the same, it was Adam who was cursed to work the land. It’s Eve who does it by choice. [ ▲ ]

**Author's Note:**

> I thought 'wouldn't it be fun if they all lived together' and then read Genesis and made myself upset enough to write a whole series - the second fic is mostly written and a lot longer 
> 
> Come find me over at [munchmulch](https://munchmulch.tumblr.com/)


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